Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich has hired Winehouse to perform at the opening of his girlfriend’s art gallery. Winehouse is reportedly being paid $2 million for the show…

Why in the helly hell would you want Winehouse to sing at your party? She’s only going to show up hours late, curse out your guests, dedicate every song to her Blaaaake, fall off the stage and unintentionally expose her vagina at least once.

Parvati Shallow was declared the winner of “Survivor: Micronesia – Fans vs. Favourites.” Her prize was a cool $1 million. Parvati had participated in “Survivor: Cook Islands”, 3 seasons ago and she finished 6th. This was her second time around. Her experience has taught her well and she won.

The other contestant, Amanda Kimmel, had 3 votes from a jury of previous castoffs. Parvati managed to bag 5 votes and thus she won. She became Survivor’s 16th millionaire.

Parvati worked as a charity organizer. Running in the Survivor series was a far cry from her job. Jeff Probst, the show’s host, removed the ballot box and took it to New York because he wanted to keep the winner a secret. The winner was only announced towards the very end of the show.

Nothing warms my heart quite like a Joe Francis getting sued story – so I’m elated to report this morning that Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing Francis to the tune of $10 million for filming her underage and exploiting her likeness.

Francis said he was “surprised and in fact amazed” by the lawsuit, noting he has not released new video of Dupre “due to corporate policy of not using footage of individuals younger than 18″ and asserting she gave her consent on video, providing identification.

I’m sure there’s a big gray area with intricate legal nuances to determine who’s culpable here… But when it comes down to it? If Joe Francis rescued a bunch of orphans and puppies from an ax-wielding murderer, and the murderer sued Joe Francis for injuries sustained – I’d be the first to donate half my paycheck to afford that murdering sonofabitch the best damn legal representation money can buy. So there’s pretty much no way I’m not going to take the side of the five thousand dollar whore. Or should I say, ten million dollar whore – right, Ashley? Ka-ching!