Last night Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and beard Pete Wentz have welcomed their new baby boy, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Says E! Online about the birth:

The baby boy weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20½ inches.

“Proud new parents Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz welcomed new son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, late this evening,” a rep for the new mom told E! News. “Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!”
The birth comes almost three weeks after the 29-year-old Fall Out Boy mastermind told Ryan Seacrest that his 24-year-old missus was “very pregnant…She’s at the very end, and it could happen at any point.”
As for the tot’s name, Wentz told Seacrest they were not looking to go down in the annals of punchline-ready celebrity monikers.

“I want to meet the baby first. My friend said it—you’ve gotta have a baby with a name that could be a rock star or a senator, so he’ll get work either way.”

BRONX MOWGLI WENTZ? First of all, his initials are BMW! Trust me. That wasn’t a coincidence. They just want free shit. Second of all, his short initials are BM. Third of all, the name Mowgli is already taken by that boy from “The Jungle Book”! This kid would literally be better of being raised by a bear from the jungle than old Emo Closet Gay and Spoiled Immature Princess Asshole…

Despite the pleas of men the world over, Megan Fox is still planning on marrying 90210 douche Brian Austin Green. Brian told People Magazine at GQ’s Woman of the Year bash on Tuesday:

“[The ceremony will be] small. We might have a few people there. Don’t expect a lot of press hoopla surrounding [the] big day… You might hear about it the week after.”

Brian Austin Green better have a donkey-sized penis, because that’s about the only thing that could make this union credible. Either a giant wiener, or maybe sole possession of a ring forged in the fires of Mount Doom by the Elven smiths of Eregion. It’s the only way this makes any goddamn sense.

Clearly desperate for attention, Madonna showed up at the UNICEF dinner yesterday dressed in grass. What the fuck is up with all these celebrity skanks and their fugly grass dresses?! Grass should be smoked not worn! I would’ve smoked it up and followed it with three bag of Funyuns, but I doubt that’s what Madonna did.

But hey, at least someone should take their dog and tell it to take a big dump on her. And make sure the dog is big. Like a giant mastiff.