Mike Myers visited Conan O’Brien’s show last week to promote the horrifically reviewed, The Love Guru, and to apparently be an insufferable pain in the ass. Page Six says:

…he drove backstage staffers bonkers while he waited to go on. “He sent a team of interns on a wild goose chase for Silk nondairy creamer, Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer,” said our witness. “Then he sent one of the interns back out to get him a new drink when he realized his seltzer was not the brand he requested.”

You know what, Mike? Seltzer is seltzer, and you need to stick your ego back up your ass where it belongs. You know that movie of yours that opened over the weekend, about an American raised by gurus? Maybe in the course of your “research” (which I’m sure entailed shitting on linoleum and rolling around in it), you didn’t run across the Buddhist belief that whatever you do comes back to you. It’s called Karma, Mike. And that 4th place opening of Love Guru probably had a little something to do with that seltzer you returned, bitch.