After dating for nearly a year, George Clooney and Sarah Larson are calling it quits. Before dating Clooney, Larson was most famous for being a slutty Vegas cocktail waitress who loves licking magazines. An insider revealed to In Touch Weekly:

“George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn’t want to be tied down.”

Oh, I’m sure Georgie loves to be tied down. Tied down, gagged and stuffed. Just not by her.

George’s rep only said:

“I can only confirm that we have never commented on George’s personal life.” And I can only confirm that Georgie’s rep is a smart ass!

Sarah done fucked up! Bitch was supposed to follow my detailed instructions. All she had to do was get knocked up! Shit, she could have even lied to him and said she was carrying his child! Go out and get pregnant by the local homeless man and pass the baby off as George’s. Pull some scandalous shit to secure your future!

Kirsten Dusnt is opening up about her trip to rehab earlier this year, blaming her little stint in the Cirque Lodge on her sad feelings instead of a problem with booze. E! Online says

[Kirsten said,] “There’s been a lot of misrepresentation about what is going on in my life. I didn’t go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse. I went there for depression.”

While naysayers out there may groan that a young, wealthy Hollywood starlet should have nothing to be depressed about, Dunst says mental illness doesn’t know any such boundaries. “We’re all in the same boat together,” she opines. “Depression is pretty serious and should not be gossiped about.”

Is “depression” a new drink I haven’t heard about? One of those cute blue numbers with an umbrella, a little straw, and about 120 proof? Cause I don’t recall seeing a lot of pictures of Dunst crying into her beer – she couldn’t keep the fucking glass full long enough to cry into it. Maybe that’s what I’ll start calling it when, after a night of heavy drinking, I wake up in the morning with a head that pounds like Ron Jeremy’s headboard, a mouth dryer than Sharon Stone’s hoo-hah, and no will to live: Depression! You think I can get the day off of work for that?

And I know something even better than rehab to cure it – it’s called two aspirin and a Schlitz. And it’s a lot cheaper than 30 days at the Cirque Lodge.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv8UpZYLkpc[/youtube]

Jessica Simpson does country in an obvious attempt to resurrect her music career. UsWeekly posted her new county single, “Come On Over.” I guess this sounds okay. She has a good voice for country, and she’s blond with big tits, so this will probably be a big hit record. Of course I think the song would be much more successful if she was singing “Cum All Over” insted of  “Come On Over.”