Hulk Hogan Has A Sex Tape

A sex tape starring professional wrestler turned reality star Hulk Hogan has found its way into the greasy palms of a major porn company, who allowed several media outlets to view a clip from the video to verify its authenticity. TMZ says:

The grainy footage [features] Hulk getting undressed and a naked, unidentified brunette lying on a bed. The woman is NOT his ex-wife Linda or his current wife Jennifer McDaniel.

In the clip, Hulk pulls his shirt off and brags to his companion, “I started to work out again.” Hulk then runs his hands through his blonde hair like he always does.

The best part … Hulk’s thong-shaped tan line.

It’s unclear when the tape was shot — but Vivid honcho Steve Hirsch [claims] he was approached with the tape very recently by a third party.

Hulk says the tape was “secretly filmed” without his permission — and now his lawyer’s on the rampage … claiming, “We will take all necessary steps to enforce both civil and criminal liability.”

I haven’t seen the sex tape myself, but I was a big fan of professional wrestling when I was six, so I have a pretty good idea of how the video goes down. It probably opens with a few words from Mean Gene Oakerland before Hulk himself enters the room to musical accompaniment (most likely his hit single “I Am a Real American”), cupping a hand to his ear and nodding heartily at the camera. Then he’d pace around the bed a few times like an enraged bull before he tore off his Hulkomania tank top off and mounted the woman on the bed. Then he’d wrap it all up with a “All you little Hulkomaniacs out there, keep saying your prayers and taking your vitamins, and one day you too could have an unauthorized sex tape, brother!”