Here are new pictures of Scarlett Johansson’s Moet & Chandon Ad Campaign. I guess her holding an exploding bottle is supposed to have some kind of sexual insinuation. Regrettably, at least for me, there will be nothing exploding on my end, since they completely neglected to show any tit at all. If you’re going to pay the big bucks and hire one of the best racks in the business, you better use them intelligently! So weak! I expect more from overpriced champagne.

Here Scarlett demonstrates that with Dolce & Gabbana’s eye shadow men will not be able to take their eyes away from your badly photoshopped cleavage.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds have been rumored to be engaged since January, even though you never see them together, but apparently things are going well because they got married this weekend. People magazine says:

Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.
Johansson, 23, began dating Reynolds, 31, last year shortly after his split from singer Alanis Morissette, who recently expressed well wishes on her ex’s engagement.

Wait they got married in the woods? What, like in Braveheart? What are they, bears, knock it off you idiots.

Breaking news now as it is being reported that Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are engaged. He is 31, she is 23, and they’ve dated for just about a year now. People magazine says…

“They’re both thrilled.”

The Nanny Diaries star is expected to show off her sparkler at Monday night’s Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala in New York. Sources say Johansson is eager to “show off her rock” with her Dolce & Gabbana gown.

Ryan used to be engaged to Alanis Morissette and I can’t wait for her next song about this shit. If Alanis did write a song it would be called “Scarlett is going to marry my gay ex-fiancé”. I’m pretty sure he’s gay Donkey Punch. Who is going to tell Scarlett? I volunteer to tell Scarlett. She can cry on my shoulder (as long as she doesn’t sing).

Scarlett Johansson was in Iowa supporting Barack Obama on Thursday (Jan. 4, 2008). She even treated other Obama supporters to a fifteen-minute speech. Guess it worked!

I like the below photo of Johansson talking about something worthy of hand gestures. You know all the poor boy heard was “Blah blah Obama blah” because he was concentrating so hard on trying not to get hard.

UsWeekly put Scarlett Johansson on the cover this week’s issue and asks the question “Did they or didn’t they?” have plastic surgery. They also had an expert go through and guess what work she’s had done. Scarlett Johansson isn’t too pleased and is threatening to sue the magazine. Her rep issued this long ass statement to OK! Magazine:

“US Weekly’s cover story regarding Scarlett Johansson and its clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof, despite vehement denials by Ms. Johansson prior to publication. Not surprisingly, US magazine cannot provide the dates when she supposedly had this surgery, who performed the surgery, or what was supposedly done — all because there simply is no truth to the story. The publication made a pathetic attempt to validate its story by using two cover photos of Scarlett that were taken years apart with obviously different make-up and lighting, and then relying on an “expert’s opinion” (based solely on looking at the two photos) on what “might” have been done. It wasn’t.”

Scarlett added, “I have always been straightforward with the press regarding my body image and I am very concerned that my fans (and perhaps even my employers) will feel mislead. Thus, I feel compelled to take immediate legal action against US Weekly.”

Sue them or shut up. I don’t think Scarlett has had much work if any, but I don’t think her “true fans” (straight men) really give a fuck, because I don’t think they are looking at her face when she’s onscreen. I don’t know if she got surgery or not, but it certainly looks like her nose went from big to less big.

I don’t really like to give companies’ free advertisings, but when you get Scarlett Johansson to show that much cleavage in order to sell some stupid handbags, then that is what I call marketing genius. Thank you Louis Vuitton. Now we know why your bags are so costly. Scarlett Johansson isn’t going to show those puppies off for free, after all.

I’m no fashion expert, but there’s just something very mistaken with the way her shorts fit. Call me mad, but she’s got a slight case of ‘mom butt’ going on. (If you don’t know what ‘mom butt’ is, just picture your mother in pants). And what’s up with her new nose ring? Is Scarlett rebelling!? Well let’s just say that Scarlett won’t be topping any “sexiest celeb” lists this year if this keeps up.

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have been coupled together for a few months now and it seems they are softening up with the public a little bit.

The two were dotted captivating in a show at the Troubadour on Monday night. Given that they both arrived separately, they met inside. A witness at the show told that they greeted each other with a hug and a kiss on the lips.

“In the foyer they were talking and had their hands all over each other,” says the source. “He kissed her a couple more times in the club. He was totally sweet. She went to the restroom and he went to check up on her.”

After the show, the new couple hung out for a while and then decided to leave hand-in-hand after they poked outside and checked if there were any paparazzi outside.

Jessica Simpson arrived with John Mayer in one of their exceptional public outings as a couple. Jessica made sure her tits were hanging out. Tell me that “penectomy” has never came up in her doctor’s office.

Of course Lindsay Lohan was going to show up. The Hulk would fist her if she was thinking somebody would point a camera at her.

I’m not a stylist, but it looks like neither is Scarlett Johansson’s, as I am thinking she was hypothetical to be hot, not look like George Washington.