When Miranda Kerr and actor Orlando Bloom indulge in a little public nudity on vacation in Spain, everybody’s all smiles and sunshine! You try waltzing out to the hotel pool in nothing but arm floaties and a bottle of Old Grandad and see how long it takes before the policía municipal show up with billy clubs. My personal best is 3 minutes 46 seconds.

Orlando Bloom and Jennifer Aniston looked like more than just friends at Eva Longoria’s new restaurant Beso earlier this week. An onlooker told the New York Post:

“They were sitting very close and she was looking at him like he was her favorite guy in the world.”

Last we heard, Bloom was model Miranda Kerr’s main man, but she was “nowhere to be found” at the party.

They got it all wrong. She was sitting across the room and he was looking at her like she was his favorite guy in the world. Orlando’s current girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, has nothing to worry about. Keep moving along.

I just know Aniston is trying to make this happen! It’s never going to happen. She needs to link herself to someone more believable. I’m thinking….James Haven Voight. Now that’s a story!

This is my WTF moment for today. The hotness that is Orlando Bloom is apparently bored with his Victoria Secret model. Or maybe the model doesn’t appreciate a man who can pull off a blonde wig and tights. He is now rumored to be dating Rumer Egghead Willis. The Female First say:

“The 31-year-old actor was seen canoodling with 19-year-old Rumer – the eldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore – at Prince’s ‘purple’ Oscars party on Sunday. A source said: “The chemistry between them was electric. They were all over each other and didn’t seem to care who saw them.”

I find it hard to believe that there is much interest between the two. Then again, maybe my prayers have been answered and Orlando is a straight up slut and won’t kick a slightly unattractive woman out of bed.

Kate Hudson(Dumbo ears) and Orlando Bloom have sparked rumors of a new romance after they were caught kissing in front of her ex, Dax Shepard at a Halloween party. OK! Magazine reports the two didn’t leave each other’s side all night.

A source said, “Kate and Orlando were talking, drinking and laughing. Then they just started going at it. They made out for ages and looked like they were really enjoying themselves. They didn’t care who was watching. After that first make-out session, they walked around and talked to everyone as a couple. They were inseparable for the rest of the night.”

Who knew Kate was such a slut?? Owen Wilson, Dax Shepherd and now Orlando Bloom. Her vagina sees more action than a Jackie Chan movie. Is this whore on a mission to drive all her exes to attempt suicide? She looks retarded. And tell me she can’t fly home those ears.

Here’s Jennifer in a bikini while in Mexico. As you can see from these fuzzy photos, Jen’s got a pretty rocking body. You’ll also see Orlando Bloom hidden in the background. No word if they’re dating, but I’d say that they are.

Orlando Bloom is lastly prepared to settle down with the right woman. Here is what he had to say about his very tiring way of life. Wait until he has to get up at 2 in the morning to feed a sick child.

“Things have changed. I’m incredibly lucky to be doing the job I do, but everything else has begun to pall – the jet setting, the nightclubs, the bachelor lifestyle; now I need some permanence and stability. I feel it’s about time I settled down. I’d like to live a proper family life – with a partner and kids. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? I’ve had a crazy life in many ways, and I realize now that I want someone to share it with.”