Whatever, it’s the simple things in life right? And it doesn’t get more simple than Miranda Kerr laying on a couch nekked. I wonder if that’s how she watches football?

Can you give an ass a key to a city? Because if I was a mayor, I would so be giving Miranda Kerr’s ass a key to my city.

The Victoria’s Secret Angels strutted their stuff down the catwalk at a lavish show the newly-renovated Fontainebleau hotel in Miami this past weekend. There were the requisite feathers, the elaborate costuming, the diamond brassieres, and oh, yes — the boobies. Boobies, boobies, boobies.

The cover of next month’s issue of FHM Magazine says that Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr wants to let you in on a “sexy secret.” The last time someone told me they had a sexy secret, I wound up having to take penicillin for a week. Trust me, the sexy secret wasn’t nearly as much fun as it sounded.

When Miranda Kerr and actor Orlando Bloom indulge in a little public nudity on vacation in Spain, everybody’s all smiles and sunshine! You try waltzing out to the hotel pool in nothing but arm floaties and a bottle of Old Grandad and see how long it takes before the policía municipal show up with billy clubs. My personal best is 3 minutes 46 seconds.