Halle Berry is pregnant and apparently, still continuing to forge a meaningful, longterm relationship with a boyfriend who is not you. From where I sit, it’s tough to sympathize too much, because it’s not me, either. One of Halle’s friends, who has a mouth bigger than Paris Hilton’s crotch cave, said that she conceived her first baby through in vitro fertilization and her second through artificial insemination.

The friend went on to yap, “She’s just ecstatic to be pregnant again. She wasn’t sure if she’d have another baby, so she’s very happy!”

Halle’s rep put his hand and refused to comment on this.

Something must be in the water for these supermodels! First was Alessandra Ambrosio, then Heidi Klum again, and now Karolina Kurkova has just announced she’s pregnant! Her rep told People:

“Supermodel and actress Karolina Kurkova and her fiancé, film producer Archie Drury have announced that they are expecting their first child. The couple have been together for a little over a year.”

There’s a lesson to be learned here fellas. And that lesson is this: I don’t care if you’re about to bang a supermodel, if Magnum condoms aren’t available at the store, don’t settle for the regular size. Because those things will tear every time and then nine months later, BAM, kid. One night of pleasure, 18 years of responsibility. This is a disaster.

Kendra Wilkinson confirmed to E! that she and her fiance Hank Baskett made a baby.

“Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together,” she just told me. “We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.”

In other news, Kendra just pumped her fist in the air and shouted, “Woo-hoo. Guaranteed renewal for my reality show!” That Kendra sure is optimistic.

Alyson Hannigan birthed out a baby girl on March 24 in Los Angeles. They named her Satyana which I presume is the long version of Satan.

A rep for the couple said the baby was born on Alyson’s 35th birthday, and is doing well. Alyson and her actor husband hooked up on the set of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” in 1999. They married in 2003.

TMZ posted a photo of octomom Nadya Suleman eight days before she gave birth to her eight lottery tickets. That. Is. Disgusting. Equally disgusting is her vagina after giving birth. She could sit on a traffic cone and not feel a thing.

Corrections: I made it sound like Nadya gave birth vaginally when she in fact had a c-section.

We have seen a lot of shocking outfits come out of Hollywood but rapper M.I.A., who is pregnant and due to give birth any day now, one-upped everyone at the Grammys last night.

On top of her performance, the mom-to-be was up for Record of the Year for her hit “Paper Planes.”

Here’s a few pictures of M.I.A.’s acid trip maternity wear last night.

Congrats to Erykah Badu: the singer gave birth to a daughter on Sunday. Erykah’s partner, Jay Electronica, posted blog updates on Twitter throughout Erykah’s home delivery.

“Morning, I’m in labor,” Badu announced to her 4,500 followers on Sunday.

The couple chose to deliver at her Brooklyn, New York home with the help of a midwife — who was apparently running late.

“Labor has begun,” Electronica wrote. “Everybody stand back. No hospitals. No doctors. No medicine. We’re waiting for the midwife to show.

“Getting closer. She says she feels like she’s ready to push,” he wrote, before updating a couple hours later with “I see the head. Full of hair.”

Shortly after delivery, Electronica posted: “Feb. 1 2009 my first child, my daughter born at 130 PM exactly. It’s the happiest day of my life.”

Badu added: “I can’t believe it’s over. Home birth, no painkillers, about five hours, she was a little past due date, but I didn’t mind waiting. Breath.”

Although Erykah has yet to confirm, she reportedly named her daughter Twitty Milk. Yeah.

Erykah also has a seven year old daughter, Puma, and a ten year old son, Seven, with ex-boyfriend Andre 3000.

Niki Taylor is pregnant with her third child. Niki’s rep confirmed the former supermodel and her race car driver husband Burney Lamar expect their first child together some time in March.

Niki, 33, has twin sons, Jake and Hunter, 13, from her first marriage.

Melanie C (a.k.a. Sporty Spice) is expecting her first child, according to the Daily Mail:

The 34-year-old singer announced the news on her website today.
Mel C said: ‘Some happy news. Well, I can now announce that Tom and I are expecting a baby and we are very happy. As I’m sure you’ll understand we needed time to wait for results and tell our families. I will be taking it easy but am also excited to start writing for the fifth album. I will need to take some time off to be a mum but, before you know it, we’ll be back.’

I’m seriously considering a permanent move to Mars. You all can stay and drown in dirty diapers, mashed carrot slobber and green wet caca. Eff global warming! Babies are the real threat!

So I get home from the gym yesterday evening, and turn on the old computer to be greeted with the headline, “Clay Aiken to be a Father.” After slapping myself in the face repeatedly to make sure I didn’t drop dead of a heart attack on the treadmill and went to gossip blogger heaven, I read on. So many questions! Who? How? Why? How again?! I’ll let Us Weekly field these burning inquiries:

Idol Clay Aiken’s producer is pregnant with his child, TMZ.com reports. Jaymes Foster (who is reportedly in her late 40s) was artificial inseminated with the 29-year-old singer’s sperm, according to the report.

Aiken lives with Foster – described as his “best friend” – when he’s in L.A. and plans to be involved with parenting their child.

Well of course if Clay Aiken was going to be a father it’d have to be freaky-deeky Michael Jackson turkey baster sex to some lesbian almost twice his age. Because you know the alternative is too horrific to even imagine. Step aside, Thomas Beatie – you are no longer of interest to me.