7 years of marriage and one child later, Kate Winslet and husband Sam Mendes have split. Reps say :

“The split is entirely amicable and is by mutual agreement. Both parties are fully committed to the future joint parenting of their children.”

Wait a minute, what’s with all the mutual break-ups today? I mean, let’s call a spade a spade here. Kate dumped his ass. I don’t even know why she was with this dude in the first place. That’s not the face of someone you take to the Vanity Fair Oscars Party. That’s the face of someone you tell your kids not to take candy from.

Kate Winslet looks like some kind of Catherine Deneuve/lion/alien hybrid on the cover of Vanity Fair. What’s with all these magazines turning bitches into praying mantis aliens for their covers? Professional airbrush artist Chris Bickmore told the Daily Mail:

“There is no real detail in her face. Any detail or wrinkles have been removed. There are no eye bags, contours and smile lines. The whites of her eyes have been cleaned up and… her lips have been made slightly fuller as well. She has no lines or blemishes at all. There are no wrinkles or lines or veins on her hands and feet.

Her back and lower body have been pinched in to make her look thinner and to give her some curves. Her bottom has been rounded off so it looks nice and pert. Her thigh appears to have been made slimmer so it appears more toned. And in the shot of her sitting down on the front cover, her legs were made slightly thinner so they also appear more toned.”

You could put a fire hydrant in a wig and a dress and it’d look more like Kate Winslet than that chick does. The fire hydrant could probably do a more convincing Louisiana accent and keep its tits covered, too. High five!