The funny thing with these bang haircuts is that Suri Cruise has been rocking almost the same style for the past year. How much do you think she paid for that to be professionally done when a pair of kitchen shears would’ve done the job?

Sexy new mom Jessica Alba will be photographed by Mario Testino and directed by Jean Paul-Goude for the Club Campari themed 2009 Campari Calendar. It’s the 10th anniversary of the calendar and celebrities, by invitation only, will walk the red carpet for the celebration. The Campari Calendar is an international limited edition and considered a collectible luxury for the few that are able to get it. There’s no way I’m NOT going to win Jessica’s affection by buying large quantities of a product she’s paid to endorse.

Jessica Alba’s latest ad for Declare Yourself casts her as some weepy Hannibal Lecter type with ratty hair and she’s had some fake tears photoshopped on her face, , because crocodile tears never show up in pictures.

When we go to the polls in November, can we vote to keep Jessica Alba this way permanently?

Jessica Alba is encouraging voter participation by becoming the face of a new bondage-inspired campaign for the voter group Declare Yourself. According to People magazine:

[Alba says] the dramatic image “really resonates” with the issue of voting. “If you don’t register and vote and make a difference, and hopefully change the bad things that are happening in our country, you are essentially just binding and muzzling yourself.”

Of taking the photos, shot by photographer Marc Liddel, Alba says, “It didn’t freak me out at all. What I like about Marc’s work is that he tells a story and brings real emotion to his pictures.”

Okay, I get it. Not voting “muzzles and binds” you. Right. But you know what would be even better? Casting off the metaphorical shackles of the current administration by taking off her bra. And then greasing herself up with the metaphorical oil of change and masturbating with the metaphorical dildo of voter turnout. Our generation wants to be inspired!

Photographers snapped Jessica Alba and daughter Honor Marie leaving their hotel in NYC this week. This was the first public appearance Jessica has made with Honor since her birth last June.

Jessica Alba debuts little Honor Marie Warren in this week’s issue of OK! and opens up (ha ha) about the whole birthing process:

“I didn’t scream,” Jessica tells OK! “It was really Zen. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused.”

And Cash could only marvel at his wife’s quiet strength when she gave birth. “She didn’t make a sound,” he says. “It was amazing.”

Damn this chick is hardcore. I could never give birth naturally without making a sound. And not just because I don’t have a uterus. I’m afraid of pain. I get an epidural every time I go to the dentist’s office. You can’t be too careful.

Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine. We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, Alba’s divorce party etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved. Two-month-old Honor, we’re told, is just “adorable” and the pictures, taken this week, are “so cute.”

Here’s Jessica Alba and Cash Warren leaving Bloomingdales in Century City:

Jessica has named her daughter Honor Marie Warren. She reportedly told friends that it’s an “honor having Cash Warren’s baby,” and that means: “It’s an honor to have trapped this set assistant who cheats on me all the time and is a leech on my bank account with a baby. I’ve hit the jackpot, ladies! Eat your hearts out!” I was thinking she might name her spawn Cheater…because that’s what daddy is… Poor child to have to be dishonored with a name like that. What’s wrong with these people?

Jessica Alba became a first-time mother this weekend. With fiance Cash Warren standing by, Jessica gave birth to a baby girl at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Alba’s father was overheard saying “she’s beautiful.” Warren — in a T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap — was spotted carrying food into the maternity ward Sunday. Her rep had no comment.

No name or other deets available yet.

Congratulations to the happy couple!

Here are some pictures of Jessica Alba floating around in a pool recently. Based on my expert analysis, she’s about 62 months pregnant now… Hey! When you’re pregnant in L.A., in the summer, I don’t care who you are, bikinis and swimming pools are necessary. Congrats to Jessica Alba for listening to her body and not the gossip bloggers.