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Here is Joe Jonas doing a lip sync and dance to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies,” and it’s kind of one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my LIFE. And you know Joe is totally holding back. Bitch knows the dance! He’s just pretending like he doesn’t. Come on, drop it like I know you can.

If these photos of Ed Westwick at the 7th Annual “Dressed To Kilt” Fashion Show are any indication, his “face vagina” impression is nearing perfection.

Everything’s totally cool, guys! Tom Cruise and Matt Lauer have finally kissed and made up. Almost literally. And just so you know, they’re definitely not both cringing on the inside as if they were embracing giant, man-sized pieces of dog shit.

Rosie O’Donnell and her girlfriend Kelli Carpenter are evidently going to wait to get married again until gay marriage is legal across the entire country.

O’Donnell married Carpenter four years ago when the mayor of San Francisco allowed same-sex marriages, but that wedding was declared invalid.

Rosie says she and Kelli are “going to wait until it’s legal everywhere, because otherwise, I said to Kelli, we’ll be going around touring the country on the marriage tour every state by state.”

“The same way it was illegal for black and white people to marry at one point and people couldn’t conceive of that ever being different, I do think that two consenting, law-abiding adults who want to share their life together should be allowed to do that,” she said.

Many other gay celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi, along with George Takei and his partner Brad Altman plan to get married in Cali after June 17th when it is legal to do so there.

Rumors of a romantic lesbian relationship between these two have been floating around for years. I can see why. Finally we have some photographic proof that Lindsay and “friend” Samantha Ronson are totally dyking out. The couple was spotted kissing at P. Diddy’s annual yacht party in Cannes. I really can’t blame Lindsay. Samantha’s about as handsome as girls come. And with that hat, it’s not even fair. Leave some chicks for us straight guys Sam!

Enrique Iglesias regrets saying he had a small dick 6 years ago, because people took his joke as fact. He’s now known as the “dude with the small one.”

He told Showbiz Spy, “I said I had a small penis as a joke. And they took it literally when it is not the truth. So when people find out it’s not the case they are pleasantly surprised.”

Notice he said “people are pleasantly surprised”. He could have said “the ladies”, “women”, “female fans/groupies” etc. Instead he used a non-gender specific “people”. My gaydar is going off.

Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian, so says her friend, designer Wayne Joffe. His evidence? The fact that she really really wants to bang Kanye West. Joffe told In Touch Weekly:

“Lindsay is friends with Sam [Ronson] — she isn’t a lesbian!” Lindsay, 21, was at Goa in LA on March 27 with Sam, 30, but the DJ was the furthest thing from her mind. “Lindsay was hitting on Kanye West. She was trying to talk to him all night until he finally asked her to join him at his table.”

“Hitting on Kanye West” simply means to me that the girl is prepared to fuck for tracks! In no way does that make me believe she isn’t a lesbian. I actually think she plays baseball as well as softball, if you know what I mean…

Beth Ditto said that she’s planning to visit Paris sooner with her girlfriend.

Beth told the Mirror, “I’m taking my girlfriend Fanny to Paris. I’ve eaten a lot of treats and I’m going to burn it off with her!”

Fat people should not, i repeat NOT be lesbians. Or just keep it quiet. No food for me this week. Beth Ditto is a powerful diet aide.

Here she is in all her glory performing at Shepherds Bush this past Friday.

Robbie Williams is planning on ditching his pop music career, and becoming a ufologist. I’m not sure that ufologist is actually a job title, and I suspect that Robbie wasn’t being entirely serious. Particularly since he made the statement while appearing on a radio show, to promote his pop career.

He said, “Seriously, I want to go out and investigate these things. I’m stopping being a pop star and becoming a full-time ufologist. We could be like Mulder and Scully (The X Files FBI agents) in real life. You’re always mega-busy but I’ve got nothing on at the minute.”

Williams also claims he has been visited by aliens on at least three occasions, and witnessed a “big strip of black light” during recording in a studio in Los Angeles.

However, the 34-year-old insists he can understand if the public views his latest obsession with concern.

He added, “People will think, ‘This geezer’s been in rehab, he’s off his head.’ How mental are they going to make me out in the papers.”

Yes, I can see how some people might make a connection between drug and alcohol abuse and U.F.O. sightings. I’m not sure if I’m a believer, but I am pretty sure things you see when drunk are usually not Unidentified Flying Objects. Oh shit! He’s Tommy Cruise’s next wife!

Robbie makes no mention of being anal probed. Thank goodness.

Every American Idol season needs a scandal, now doesn’t it? This just out: smooth-moved, 24-year-old David Hernandez worked for three years as a nude dancer at male strip club, the Associated Press reports. The club? Dick’s Cabaret in Phoenix.

In fact, he appeared fully nude and performed lap dances for the club’s “mostly male” clientele, club manager Gordy Bryan said:

“He had the look and the type that people like, so he made pretty good money here,” Bryan said. …

According to Bryan, Hernandez steadily worked at the club for three years until September 30, 2007.

“He never renewed his licensing with the state, so he hasn’t been on my roster since then,” Bryan said.

Dick’s Cabaret” . . . I like it. Not many people know this but it’s been my dream since I was a young boy to open a chain of gay strip clubs. I don’t care about the getting rich part, I just want to name it something funny. So far I’ve come up with The Lumber Yard, Pole Position, or Abercrombie & Fitch. Actually that last one may be too gay. I don’t need my family disowning me.