Charlie Sheen Wants To Be Lindsay Lohan's MENTOR!

Charlie Sheen‘s had a lot to deal with over the past few years, and now he’s admitting that he’d like to mentor his Scary Movie 5 co-star Lindsay Lohan! Sheen told TMZ:

“I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey. If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

I love her, I respect her, and I’ve never laid a finger on her that wasn’t on film. How ya like me now, America?”

Lohan should take him up on his offer, because why the hell not? Spending at least 5 minutes with Lohan’s annoying ass will make Charlie snort up every line of coke in the L.A. area and he’ll pass out. Then while he’s knocked out, Lohan can get into his computer and wire everything in his checking account to her account on the Caymans. It’ll be her greatest heist yet.