K-Fed's Brother Says He Is The REAL Dad Of Britney's Son

K-Fed’s brother Christopher Federline (a.k.a. Chederline) says that he banged Britney back in the early-whenevers, but didn’t want anyone to ever know because he is noble and pure of heart. Until a few weeks ago, at which time, he claims, Britney stole his credit card and used it to buy $4,500 of Archie comics (!!!), then told him he had a small penis and threatened to alert the world about their historic bangathon. “This will not stand,” shouted Chederline to an indifferent gray sky! And so…

In the papers, Christopher claims that Spears pocketed his Capital One credit card after finding it on Federline’s coffee table while swinging by to pick up Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Spears, 31, then allegedly used his credit card to buy $4,569.02 worth of Archie and Betty Boop comics, as well as issues of Mad Magazine for the boys.

When he reached out to Spears to dispute the charges, she “laughed at me and told me my brother Kevin ruined her life,” “told me I have a small penis, she also blackmailed me and told me if I tell the police that she stole my credit card that she will tell the world I’m the true father of Sean Preston, not Kevin,” Christopher added.

Though Federline’s brother claimed to have slept with Spears, he said that he sought a restraining order from the singer because “the public does not need to know.”

If I was Christopher, I would have taken out the small penis name calling and replaced it with, “she made fun of my huge, gigantic dong and said no woman would ever be able to handle me and that I’ll be forever alone.” Then I’d put a link to the court documents on my Match.com profile.