According to Jon Gosselin’s former nanny, Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s bodyguard Tom Meinelt told her that Jon has a sex tape and he’s seen it.

“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape! Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”

The fact that a Jon Gosselin sex tape exists, somewhere, is more terrifying to me than terrorists, the swine flu, and the fact that eventually the sun will eventually supernova, expand and swallow our plant whole. Then again, the whole sun swallowing us up thing wouldn’t be so bad if the Jon Gosselin sex tape was destroyed along with the Earth. Hmm … I wonder if there’s any way of speeding that process up. Let’s get on it, science.