Folks wondering why Madonna would rather “get hit by a train” than try marriage again should check out Esquire’s new interview with her ex, Sherlock Holmes director Guy Ritchie. Sandwiched between his punch-drunk philosophizing (”In karate, you find out how conceptual pain is. You go through layer after layer…I [have] realized the boundary, the place where pain lies, is not where I thought it was”) and extended spread metaphors (”But with marmalade, within its esotericism is a bit of accessibility. So you see, what I want to create is an accessible bit of esotericism. And well, that’s marmalade, innit?”) is a lovely passage concerning his feelings towards the Material Mom. Behold:

She’s a manifester, if there ever was one…First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any twenty-three-year-old, she’ll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad…And, of course, here you go: I still love her. But she’s retarded, too.

Aw, the marmalade-making karate master still loves his broad, retarded manifester. If we had to spend a second more with this guy, we’d run for the first baseball player, male model—or passing train—we could find, too.