I really don’t have any long-winded intro to this story other than John Mayer is a douche and Jessica Simpson is an idiot. Some source (aka Papa Joe using a voice changer) told Page Six:

“Several years ago when he was dating Jessica Simpson, he couldn’t go to her birthday party because he was on tour. So the night of her birthday she had dinner with [hairdresser] Ken Paves and a few friends. Everyone thought John would forget her birthday, but then a gift arrived from him — it was a DVD of him in concert. Jessica spent the rest of the night watching the DVD on a loop, ‘being with him.’ It was so sad.” A rep for Mayer declined to comment.

Seriously? A DVD of yourself? How is that romantic? I bring the romance by sending my girlfriend pictures of my penis with post-it notes of rainbows and flowers on it. Sometimes I don’t use post-it notes and just shine a light down on it like it was sent down from the heavens above. Because, really, who are we kidding? It totally was.