In the new issue of Esquire, Megan Fox says that she likes to have sex with girls. When asked for comment, I said, “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh God, oh God, oh God … ” The Sun UK says:

The Transformers actress says she’s a bisexual woman who won’t sleep with other bisexual women. She told Esquire: “I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. “I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

If Megan started talking about enjoying threesomes, but only with another girl and one guy, that guy being me, I’d have jumped out of my window in pure ecstasy. Granted, that wouldn’t make much sense because then I’d be dead and I wouldn’t get to have a threesome with Megan Fox and another hot ass girl, but in my defense, all that blood rushed out of my brain and into my penis making it really hard to do any analytical reasoning.