During the amazingly horrific crap fiesta known as the MTV VMAs, the low-rent Ugly Betty aka Jordin Sparks, defended promise rings. Earlier in the night, host Russell Brand told a few stupid jokes about the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings. It wasn’t a big deal, but Jordin was offended.

Before presenting an award with John Legend, she said:

“I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring. Because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

Yes, Jordan is right. If you wear a purity ring, your genitals will forever be pure, fresh and innocent. If you don’t wear one, you are a major slut whose genitals will soon fall off from all of the sins it’s committed. Hey, works for me.