The New York Post has reported that a Columbia student, Masha Markova, is demanding $10,000 and an explanation from Lindsay Lohan, who allegedly stole her $11,000 mink coat from a NYC nightclub back in January. The coat, a gift from her grandmother, was finally returned foul-smelling and damaged after Markova’s lawyers threatened legal action.

She added that at one point, she was seated next to Lohan, and recalled putting the mink in a common bin with other jackets. It was gone when she prepared to leave 1Oak after an hour, Markova said.

Two weeks later, Markova flipped through the Feb. 11 edition of OK! Magazine and couldn’t believe her eyes - Lohan was photographed the night of Jan. 26 wearing the very same fur coat.

At this point, it’s simple to throw around words like dirty dirty thief, stupid spoiled bitch, skanky klepto and no-morals having asshole. But I’m sure there’s a logical explanation here. Like vodka. Or, cocaine! And the law obviously states that you can’t be held guilty for what you’re too wasted to remember. Hmm… Or was that the ad campaign for that new 180 proof grain alcohol? Ehhh. Anyway, I’m sure it holds up in court.