David Beckham has no problem being worshiped by women and guys. In fact, he welcomes it, according to Page Six:

“I’m very honored to have the tag of gay icon,” the LA Galaxy soccer star told BBC radio. In fact, the strapping athlete is so comfortable with his masculinity, he lets his wife dress him. “Without a doubt, Victoria has a huge part in the way I look these days.”

We don’t think he’s gay because other men find him attractive. We think he’s gay because he minces, prances, wears frilly little outfits and shares makeup tips with his tranny wife. That and he’s friends with Tommy boy the Xenu-humping fag. Are you getting the picture?

That’s nasty! I’m sorry, but where I come from incest belongs in unwanted dreams. We’ve all had dreams where we’re doing something we shouldn’t be doing with a family member — they’re called nightmares. I haven’t had one of those in several years (thank God!), but I do remember waking up wanting to kill someone in my family after they appeared in a couple of my disgusting nightmares. It wasn’t their fault (it sure wasn’t mine though!), but seeing them the next day just made me want to bust a cap in their ass.

Penelope Cruz isn’t at all like me. She and her sister Monica play sexy translators in their brother Eduardo’s new music video. The two sisters get so hot watching lesbian porn that they simply cannot resist each other! Eduardo is hoping the incest will launch his career in pop music.

Penelope didn’t use incest to give her career a boost; she just became a beard for Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey. This led me to believe she is a lesbian, but I always assumed she was gay for Salma Hayek. Turns out, it was her sister all along! Whatever the case may be, it’s got me thinking… Did anybody ever become famous by using his or her talent — and talent alone?

Michael Jackson grossed-out onlookers at a Las Vegas Barnes & Noble last week after he was wandered around with bandages totally covering his mouth. Some suspected the plastic surgery-prone singer underwent cosmetic surgery again, but sources claimed his young son Prince injured Jacko.

The kiddo reportedly smacked his pop in the mouth while they were playing (I don’t want to know exactly what they were playing), and injured Jacko so badly his upper lip collapsed. Ew.

“He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson’s upper lip collapsed. “That mishap led a hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work.”

Well, it looks great, so big up to Michael’s plastic surgeon.