New York men are in trouble. Paris Hilton is contemplating a move to the Big Apple. A NY Post spy at the Green Door club in L.A. overheard Paris tell her sister Nicky the following:

“There are no guys at this party - or in LA in general. New York has so much better guys.” (Source)

Well they say awful things come in threes: 9/11, the Knicks, and now Paris. Rumor is–in expectation of her arrival–the CDC is in fact raising the terror threat level to Red/Elevated. Homeland Security agents are being stationed at every NYC port to look for dirty bombs–aka “Paris Hilton’s underwear.” Things are so dirty; they could contaminate a pool full with peroxide!