The News of the World claims Britney Spears has been imploring KFed to give her a second chance at love with him. A source said that she thinks if she has KFed back it’ll help get her life back on track. KFed told her to step off and it seems that sent her into a profound depression. When she found out KFed was dating Playboy model and Colin Farrell’s sex tape co-star, Nicole Narain, she flipped out and called the Befriends suicide hotline several times. Can you imagine being the counsellor on the other end?

Counsellor:  “Suicide help line. Before you nix it, we’ll try to fix it. ”

Britney Spears:  “Hey. It’s Britney bitch and I want to do suicides. How do I do suicides to myself? Can you text me instructions or something’.”

A source said, “Britney’s bouncing off the walls with rage and has been calling Kev day and night to check he’s not with Nicole.

“She’s desperately jealous and wants to keep Kevin’s attention on her. She wants him back. She thinks by getting Kevin back he’ll drop the custody battle—but that’s not going to happen.”

The source also claims that Britney was ordered by the court in a secret hearing last Friday to have psychological tests.

This is the most excellent part. This friend said Brit wants to flee to Cuba with her two sons. CUBA! Oh shit, this is so good. Honey, turn off “Days of Our Lives” this is the real shit!

This is the same person that thought Canada was “overseas”. Maybe she thinks that Cuba is Canada. They both start with C ya’ll!

“She’s terrified of losing her sons. There are no extradition laws in Cuba, so she thinks it’s her only hope.”

Because of all this drama, friends and family want Britney to join Lindsay Lohan in rehab in Utah. That’s just what that girl needs.

Here’s Britney visiting a furniture store in Malibu yesterday. She probably just stopped at the furniture store to use the bathroom.